Tuesday, January 22, 2008

"Waiting for the wheel to turn" is a lovely song by Caipercaillie. 

When I was a child, sitting in the hot pseudo-seasons of Texas, I dreamed of crisp, cold places. I dreamed of snow, I dreamed of leaves with colors other than brown. Now I live further north than I ever dreamed, and am still dreaming of snow. A good white-out would make this winter a lot more FUN!

I dreamed of places not afflicted with humidity, and will never forget getting out of the college van for my Environmental Biology class in Del Rio, Texas in November. I was wearing a Dinotopia T-shirt and shorts, and none of it was sticking to me. I just felt "funny" and kept flapping my shirt because it felt so different. Meanwhile, thousands of monarch butterflies were passing through, and at some point someone photographed me, wondering at the fluttering trees. I'll dig that up from the paper photo archives.. we women bitch endlessly about our pictures, until we really start to age.  Then, we look at old pictures, and we know now, what we wished we had known then.. that youth has its own beauty. 

I saw an un-made-up pic of Nicolette Sheridan, sent by a gf same age as me.. I could aspire to that, at 44. I've got a (literal) handful of years to go, and probably another chemical peel or two, but it's possible. 

It is only through budo, that I could ever reconcile the beast within, to the beauty possible without. I'm feeling ugly with injuries, stress, and burdens of life, but I am also excited about the possibilities within the work we are doing. 

My poor mate is having a crap year, and mine isn't going much better. 
Not yet. 

I'm having to keep a very loose rein on the horses of fate. If I didn't consciously relax, it would all go back to Central Texas. In this case, I've let them loose, to see if they bring back anything better. It's been said, that to live in just one place, is to only read one page of a book. 

Go, ponies, go. Find great grazing, find the wild, beautiful places. Find us a home. 
I won't tell you where to go, but the mountains are beautiful and the sea is fine. 

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