Sunday, February 24, 2008

It's been sitting there for us the whole time. 

It's a Mountain of When. 

Amel Larrieux.
It's not hard to say goodbye to limbo.

Our love for Europe, for Germany, has always been tempered by our temporariness. 

 Not tied to its tax or social system, interlopers in culture, invaders in a small, rural, vulnerable area desperately in need of any kind of economic stimulus.. 

Germany was in the grip of a cultural dictatorship, an oppressive regime which overtly and deeply, subtly, thoroughly, financially suppressed any opposition.  They remain somewhat worshipful of the free capitalism and culturalism culture who played such a part in their liberation.. and they are deeply dismayed by our descent into circumstances so like theirs... Will Obama be our Hitler? Or Hillary? I'd like to know her "maiden name" so I know her family.
I kept mine as my middle name, so that my legacy of gypsies, exterminators, undertakers and horse thieves is never forgotten. I also kept it, because the Irish threw hard in me. I can find my way around Ireland, in a way that freaks both myself and my cg out. 

"It's over here" *swerve*
"but the map says.."
"nope, it's over here!" 
Um.. there it is. 
How did I know?
I don't know. 

I wish I was closer to Ireland, in my blood, so we could go back there. The economy is booming, the land needs tenants. 

We'll go to Maryland instead. Cg's got a great job offer, it's a nice place, and my career has lots of room to grow. 
Does my soul ache for the relentless heat and caliche soils of Texas, instead? 
Not like it aches for Ireland. Well, yes, sort of. Seasons, possibility, earth, family.. it's hell in a handbasket. 

It's hard to articulate the wants, the conflicts and the ends of desire I am feeling. I do know that I am NOT looking back to a country so "right wing" even the left wing is forced to fly in circles:

It's not hard to say goodbye to limbo. 
It IS hard, to say goodbye to dear and hard-won friends and ways of life.. and yet.. each one of the people we have come to love, here, knows they could show up at our door, or we could show up at theirs, and all would begin again, in the very place it started. 

Evolution continues. 
It's not something to believed in. 
It's a fact. 

Participate, or join the dodos. 
They were delicious!

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Sometimes a change of pace is just that. 
We just turned the world off, and went to Munich. We've been there so many times, but this time, with more than 
a touch of bittersweet, we binged. 
Sitting in a little hole-in-the-wall Thai place, Augustiner in hand, awaiting fabulous food, and chatting with a German who had been to Thailand and was raving about the food in this place,  I suddenly realized something. 
"We're Foodies!"
"Yeah" said cg, with more than a hint of "DUH!".
Well, I've always said that I'd never be skinny, but I'd always be happy, since meeting my peripatetic gourmand hubby, but I never figured it was this bad. I mean, just look at that foamy gorgeous beer! Look at the density of the 
foam on that cappucino, the 
black chocolate on the honey almond cake, the hot mellow tower of the macchiato. O. M. G. The coffee is so pungent, muscular and lively, you feel more alive, just sipping it. The chocolate is the same. 
And, BTW, if you've never had Augustiner in Munich, you've never been in Munich. 
The business itself is honest and ethical, and they don't even advertise. 
They don't need to. Their Edelstoff is my favorite beer in the world, kind of a mix between an Maerzen and a Pils, and they make it all year round. If you need to fall fast into poetic reflection, this is your drink. 

Even my Irish brother Mr Lawlor might make it a favorite, once we've poured a few down him. 
Ah, how do I love Munich. Let me count the ways. She is big enough, and full of enough madness, to forgive you, your own madnesses. 
As a woman of many madnesses, I love Munich for her own. 
CG loves mead, and we sipped some together, in the deep hard dry cold of Munich vormittag. It works for me, to be, at my core, a 
European Rolfer. I'd like to follow Dr Schleip's scientific example, 

and live the deeply examined career.. for the good of everyone we touch. I'd like to follow Dr Schwind's deeply felt virtuoso bodywork performance, so studied in osteopathic knowledge, deeply grounded technical talent and technique. So many have guided me, and I hope I can remember everything! 

I'll go where I go, and do what I do. 

My heart will always yearn for diverse colleagues, this great open field of possibilities, deep enjoyment of life in all its flavours, and this brave approach to the world. 

I wish to take it all with me, as I have taken in the cells and minutiae of food, drink, breath, skin and being. 

If you, my dear European colleagues, are in the US and need sanctuary (or just decent beer), seek us out. 
We will always have room for you, regardless how stupid our continent has become. The best we can do, always. I can only hope, in the coming days of America hopefully righting six years of  rectocranial inversion, that we will continue to be welcome in Europe.

Just happy to to have been here! and I know we'll be back. 
Otherwise, we'd miss the food!

Monday, February 11, 2008

Yes, David, it was your idea. Wish it had worked out that way. 
But here we are. Different "we" different continent, different direction entirely! 
It suits me far better, though. I find myself fluid, even in stress. 
Wouldn't say no to a week or two on Malta, though! 

When CG had to have the retina repaired, there was no way I could leave and strike out for Texas. Retina reattached, new lens in place of the old cloudy cataract, CG is well on the way to healing, but he still can't see to drive. 
Bavarian winters being what they are (excruciatingly cold and wet) our scant 5 miles into post needs to be driven, and he can't do it. 

So, I can't leave. 
It's better this way. 
I go in and teach class, and he fixes wonderful dinners. 
I feel a bit sheepish.. I teach your class AND you fix me dinner? how the hell did I ever rate THAT?

He kisses me, and he's happy, and he's a wonderful, wonderful cook. 

We're a fabulous team. 
I'm thinking its' better, not to break it up. For any time, for any reason. 
Besides the fact he's coming up with dinners no Asian fusion restaurant could match!

If the dream is shared, let us share the time together, as well. 
We don't do as well, apart... time will part us, soon enough. 

Let us have our time, our life, our fun and enjoyment.
As much as we can devour. 

That's my Valentine, for my cg. 

It's a game we call Fantasy Destination. 

CG finds jobs around the world, applies for them, and we imagine what it would be like to go there. 
Kwajalein remains a favorite fantasy destination. 14 miles of volcanic atoll in the middle of the Pacific. Morale trips to Japan, Singapore, Australia, New Zealand and Tasmania. Darn! Now that I know you can eat coconut crabs, I'm psyched. :-) Not great for my career, but I'd have time and space, to paint/draw/etc. Learn to scuba, spear-fish, and live off the sea, as I've always dreamed. 

We're waiting to hear about an interview he had with a place in Maryland. It sounds like a nice little town, not too close to DC madness. Once again, plenty of crab to be devoured, here! The nice thing about this location is its proximity to mountains, oceans, and worldwide travel. It also seems like one of America's last walkable, bikeable cities, with farmer's markets and maybe even a possibility for me to garden a bit. 

My wish, outside these two plums, would be for Idaho Falls. 
It's right at the toes of the Rocky Mountains, an area I have loved since I first set foot there. Of course, any Texan sets foot somewhere they can sleep under a blanket in summer, they love it. 

For me, leaving home was like being ripped apart by my dreams. 
I'm strongly oriented to my family, I'm very close to my parents (close as I can be over the Atlantic) and am very fond of my brother. Unfortunately, for them, the planes only fly one way. 

Until they understand, that the planes fly both ways, the understanding will be tragically one-way: all on me. 

So many things, in my life, have been all on me, that this is not a surprise. 
I am the first in the family, besides Alice Shaw (google her, she's interesting, though her sister Clara, my grandmother, was disowned in Shelby County for marrying a dreadful Irishman, John Dolan) to travel. My father has a collection of postcards from "Aunt Alice". 

I also married a Charles, of a major family. 

Was it wanderlust?

No, not specifically. 

More a shared dream.