Monday, December 31, 2007

It's a quarter of an hour down, and I'm beating down the gate. 

I'm ready to tear out, into the future. My feet hurt, but that's not stopped me before. 
I'm beaten up by my own expectations, but I've got more. 

I'm pacing, chomping at the bit. 

Ready to go, ready to go forward. Ready to let go of a situation which has let us down. It's part of the system here, at some point the airbags deploy, and deny an extension. 

I'm glad of it. Let me go, let him go. Let us all out of a situation which is only concerned with how much suction it can apply to its own appendage. 

We're in a place of ready waiting. 
We are a sprung trap for the future. 

Sipping Veuve Cliquot, nibbling blackeyes stewed slow in adobo and harissa, a smoked hock and a bay leaf I grew myself.. how can the indifferent revolution of the earth not be moved by our simple joy?

We are the luckiest people in the world. We have each other, this life, our experiences, memories, expectations, wonder, curiosity, adventure and optimism. 

We're ready to break the gate. 

Saturday, December 29, 2007

Friday, December 28, 2007

Bunnies under my bed?

No wonder I never vacuum under there!
Fangy, toothy.. RUN!

Save yourselves!

Wr in ur dojo eatin yr footz!
Found this on Short Sharp Science New Scientist Blog and have been laughing my patootie off ever since. 

All Hail The Arachnid!

Just a cute little jumping spider strolling across a NASA camera during a launch... oopsie, aborted! Darn spiders. 

We Leik Science!

We also like excuses to go "NOM NOM NOM"!!

Thursday, December 27, 2007

 I try to explain to my homeless Navy brat sweetie, time and again. I have a Home, and it's the needle that will show the way, again and again. I can live elsewhere and be happy, and maybe someday, some other special place will be Home. I'm not ruling it out. 

I'm not that hung up on Home. It's just like some kind of birthmark... I have one of those, as well. A kid with a splotch in the middle of their forehead may not look like that, when they grow up. If they're lucky. There it is, under the hair, for the rest of their lives. Maybe we're enslaved by it, maybe not. I'm choosing NOT, unless I need to come home, in which I'll take full advantage, and enjoy. 

The idea that I should live life as a tourist, with eyes open and wondering, instead of taking what's there for granted, has become an important one during our years overseas. 

I am not afraid of bees. My mom made sure of that. I like to pet them, they are soft and fuzzy and mostly very friendly. They don't like to be bothered, but then, neither do I. 
What I am afraid of, is my mom's house. She is a compulsive hoarder .

Going back home, I have to face this house, and this problem. 
I'm going to be very honest with you, this is like having to dig through the dumpster of your own life, plus ten. 

My mom is still functional, and trying to move out of her house, but I can only imagine the struggles she is enduring, to make some kind of movement. 

If she isn't out of there, by the time I come to town, I'll do everything I can to help. 

And hope, that I don't help too much. 

My mom's nickname is what makes the "bee" part relevant. No, I'm not afraid of bees, but let's just say I cultivate a healthy respect!

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

My mom asked me to attend a church service here in Germany, and it's just not something I'm going to do. 
Especially with the religious war the US is currently participating in, I just don't feel like like participating in religion. Not here, not there, not anywhere. 

This doesn't account for the panic attacks I've had in churches, quietly, over the years. If a person believes in past lives (and my jury is out on this one, pending further scientific study) if I was a hedgewitch then, as I am now, most likely I got burned in a couple of them. 

I'm not just agnostic when it comes to major religions, I'm also agnostic when it comes to New Age bullshit. You'd no sooner catch me lined up for a tarot reading, than you would catch me in church. 

Blogger varies between "Save Now" and "Saved" and I'm not sure if I should call Pat Robertson or not. 
I'm erring on the side of NOT.. 

I'm not sure I want to be "saved". There's many things in my life I would have liked to have been saved from, including idiotic teachers in high school and college (grew up in Texas, any questions?), my own stubbornness (except that it saves me more often than not)  and some injuries I still have to be careful of. My profession has saved me from far more of my mistakes than any religion could ever dream of. I don't approach what I do as cult activity, in fact, I tend to be more of an irritating thorn than a willing follower. Still, I love the work, and I do good work, in places where most R/SI'ers don't go (martial arts and the military).

Stepping outside under sparkling stars, marveling at tree roots and fungi, nibbling fall apples and rose hips, endlessly amused at life and my fellow humans (and astonished by their resourcefulness and endurance) and savoring this chance to not just live on one continent, I am incredibly blessed. 

Not by something outside myself. I stepped up, I took these chances, and I made the decision to be aware of my life. I don't live in the "palm to face" world most Americans have locked themselves into. I like to look up, and look around. 

I have observed many "cultural" Jews who are not necessarily observant of their religious traditions except as something to do with their families. I could be labeled a "cultural" Christian, except that I deeply embrace the concept of the Turning of the Light. My body responds to the seasons markedly, and, as I live there, my spirit does the same. Perhaps I am more in tune with this Northern European season, where we wait patiently until the light turns, and then start our lives anew, in the dark. 

Meanwhile, atheists are actually nicer.. news at 11.. 


(I typed that link by hand, because Blogger won't paste it in Mac except on the bottom of the page, where it doesn't post and disappears.. um, conspiracy anyone? hell-OO? simple text paste? I hate typing code. )

Sunday, December 16, 2007

It's a particularly bittersweet holiday, this year. 

We walked Regensburg with friends, and I am always so uplifted by the lights and the happy people. 
The sensation of homesickness, this year, is deeply tinged with the impending knowledge that though I may get to go "home", I will always miss the gaiety in the darkness, this time of year in Bavaria provides. 

We're on a mad tour of Christmas markets, drinking gluehwein and enjoying the ambiance. 
I'm more likely to demand
 perfection of myself, than o
f life. 
My life, not so very long ago, was a train wreck. 
Now, after all these years of hard work on myself, and my environment, and the loving support and cultivation of my dear cg, past injuries become integrated scars, supporting a life's web of information. 
It's the best we can do with these things we crash into, hang on to too much, leave behind, and forget to let go. 
Most of all, I think we forget to find support for our Selves. We don't take advantage of the information that is there to 
climb up on. This is the time of year to delve.. I can spend endless dark evenings sipping hot wine and experimenting with my thoughts. 
I couldn't tell anyone else to do it, who didn't want to go a little mad. But I am convinced that we humans have a hard time telling the difference between madness and genius, and am willing to experiment with both (while admittedly having far more of one on hand, than the other... ). 

Sunday, December 09, 2007

Well, with the whole Chris Comer thing going on at the Texas (mis) Education Agency, a complete separation of the acromioclavicular ligament in one particular Mensch is No Big Deal!

The collarbone and some attached cartilage just kind of floats around above my shoulder. It doesn't hamper my movement much, but I can't, say, scratch my other shoulderblade like I used to. I tried today, not comfortable. I'm being very diligent about getting into the gym, and strengthening my arms as much as possible. 

Anyway, I'm doing well, feeling normal, and able to complete normal chores as expected. No left side shoulder rolls or ukemi for the forseeable future, but life goes on.

Dishes, laundry, ironing and work go on, as normal.

Never thought I'd be so grateful, just for that.