Friday, April 17, 2009

Today would have been our 16th anniversary.

It was Valentine's day, 2000, when I walked in with bags of groceries, knowing I would be turned out the door hungry, determined to give us both, the gift of freedom. 

I looked him in the eye, a perfectly good man, and I told him that I wasn't happy, and that I had not been happy for a long time. I looked him in the eye and I did it. 

For the marriage, it's just kind of a bittersweet emotional cyst. It forms my frame of reference. 

My separation came with multiple trips without him, he was just too frozen in his ways to adapt to travel, and I had developed a taste for it.  I had dragged him along, but had come to the end of my patience with that. 

I was also realizing that the rest of the world, was healthier for me than Texas. Maryland seems to have junipers, but it also has a lovely spring. Cherries and pears bloom like pastel popcorn along the quaint walks & parks of Frederick.  There are dark redbuds and red oaks in contrast.

There's a way to have Adventures from a stable base, which doesn't compromise your lifestyle. 
That's what I'm working on. 

The thing that really made it easy, was that we didn't have kids. I really wanted to take the cat with me, but the cat didn't do well in my apartment, the guy I thought I might get together with had a cat, and my ex really needed the company. So I took the cat back. As far as I know, old HP is still doing well. At least I hope so. 

I liked my ex a LOT better, once we didn't have to share space  & politics. 
I think that's the best I can give the conflict-ridden, just to get some space in the relationship. 

I celebrate my Unniversary because it gives me a motive to examine where I am, what I am doing, and whether it's healthy. 

I put the uncomfortable memories (stirred by a friend's impending divorce), into a better life for myself and my ex. 
Mine is better, and I don't bother him enough, to know if his is, or not. 
It's up to him. 
As it should be.

No comments: