Tuesday, May 01, 2007

I'm back from the American Women's Activities Germany meeting.
Nice, nice people, but I'm just socially impaired when it comes to chants and sing-alongs and so forth. Ich bin keine Gruppenmensch, that is, I'm just not that social.

Let me sit in my corner, observe and let me go away when I want. Let me go see my beloved mountains.

I did the overnight, savoured the luxury surrounds and free food and wine, and gave my all in our section. I'm supported by a brilliant rheumatologist, and we talk about PAIN.. we make pain fun, what can I say. This lady is one of those quiet gravitational forces who bring some level of sanity to the military. She's never loud, never pushy, she just gets things done and makes you like her. She's wise, even, deep, very drily funny, and appreciates humor even if it isn't her own forte'.

I love the idea of bringing structural integration to the military, but let's face it. I've been "swimming uphill" for five years now. I haven't made a single Euro in the past week, and only perhaps a hundred dollars. In a profession where experienced practicioners command $140- 200 per session in the US, I'm feeling pretty annoyed.

I'm patient, I'm strategic, I get, and have gotten, good advertising and info. The trouble is, the natives are more interested about meeting me because I was in the local newsletter than over what I DO.

So let's face it. I'm swimming uphill with both the military and the Oberpfalzers.
If hubby doesn't get extended here, careerwise it's an advantage for me to beat feet out of this sluggish business environs. A German friend just closed his spa business up because he couldn't make ends meet. People here just aren't spending money on themselves.

I'm not sure what to say, or what to do. I'm working with a local orthopod, I'm getting articles out there, I'm out in the community, I'm doing my volunteer stuff, I'm prepping the avalanche like crazy.

I've been working that Wurzburg Tricare Provider thing like crazy, and the only person I'm getting to know is the operator, because no one answers the phone.

I'm just afraid it will happen, and we will have to leave.

Perhaps the fear shows up in the hesitation.
I want a practice, I want so badly to do this work, I know how I can help people and I know I'm not "just good" at what I do.

In June I will move to doing only Rolfing, which means that people only get hour sessions with me for $100. This will be a huge thing, but honestly I've been worth it the whole time. People have just been getting it for 1/3 the price because I want them to know it works, and I know insurance will pay. If I can overcome sheer bureaucratic incompetence to get myself on the list for them to make some use of me.

I know that life works in dramatic pauses, and I can only hope this is one.
Meanwhile, things that don't work, continue to make money, and I continue to labor in obscurity.

I'm beginning to wonder if I should bike around in rags, accost people with obvious difficulties and play Jesus.

The subtle approach hasn't been working, so, what the fark.

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