Wednesday, May 30, 2007

I'm still working on Life, the Universe and Everything.

Actually that's a big sick joke, if you know me. I don't know shit.

Now, then, if you want to go another layer, I DO know shit and I don't want anything to do with it when I see it.

Military life right now is cheap margarine over too much white bread toast. The times coming, before we depose the dreadful fascist regime that is Bush, will result in more than the deaths of many persons far more worthy than the ones who started the war.

It will result in the gutting of every motivated individual in the civilian military system.
I know more than a handful of retired Soldiers (don't just Capitalize, INK IS CHEAP!!!!! it, give them a fucking RAISE, perhaps equal to what our representatives make? especially in retirement! what a concept!) in civil service who are being used as three persons to their every one, overtasked and overextended. They suck it up, because they are old soldiers and they can't stand the troopies downrange suffering any more indignities (armor your Humvees? why? oh, wait, the media got hold of it. OK.)

Seriously, the civilian side of military affairs is so infested that a complete purge is necessary.
Especially of all senior personnel who make the decisions. There are always loopholes. Look at the loopholes, see who's exploiting it, and look at how their decisions have impacted the community.

Anyone married to a DODDS teacher can stay as long as they want, whether it benefits the community or not. They may pull the race card, the gender card, or the skeleton (s in the closet) key, but, the successful administrator will strive for truly New Blood...

Not just the same old Idiot Game. Hey, if you want a Circle Jerk for an administration, please, by all means, continue as indicated.

It isn't working.

So stop holding your goddamn chair down and work for a living. Not just maintain, not just build your (transient and non-beneficial to the community at large) empire, try doing your job, try fulfilling the mission, not just writing nonsensical babble for people who answer the phone for your division. What a waste.

Unless you answer the phone the exact same way.

Then, it's just an insane game about choices people aren't really free to make.

If I have to write another one of these, I'm going to print FTA cards and start handing them out.

You fought for this right, it's called Free Speech, and if you can't exercise it on an Army post, then what's the point?

Saturday, May 26, 2007

I am in the process of comforting an elderly cat. Like humans, in youth and old age, we need the most care. The poor girl is getting progressively leakier, as we all do. I never fuss at her, I know thunder scares the pee out her, and she's always alarmed and ashamed about it. I talk to her and pet her when she paws my arm as I'm typing.
She's hit the age of consent for humans. If she makes it to next year, she'll be able to vote. If we have to move, we're both afraid of how it will impact her health.

For my part, it could be an improvement. I'm dealing with a medical command who does not believe in what I do, but will send kids for "fasciotomies" resulting in weeks of recovery and pain. FYI, I can deal with plantar fasciitis, IT band syndrome and other problems of tight fascia with no surgery, no recovery, and a decent success rate (undocumented unfortunately). I'm a Certified Rolfer with actual massage certification (Rolfing isn't exactly massage, but it has yet to differentiate itself so far as chiropractic has -- and Rolfing can be more effective, and results in more client independence in the long run) I kind of object to Rolfers with no bodywork credentials as they tend to be not only dismissive and condescending to other bodywork professions, they also don't understand the body and psyche nearly as well as they would if they had spent a few years in "symptomatic" treatment rather than worshipping at the altar of IPR and her 10, which was in fact only a kata to teach students. If you object to this statement, first learn about Shu Ha Ri. Then listen to IPR herself, who only ever meant to create more mavericks.

Meanwhile, I am dealing with a husband whose hip has ceased to function without pain. I have to turn him over to surgeons, and I hate to give anything of mine up to anyone. Turning him over to my teachers is another thing entirely, because I belong to them, myself, already.

My first priority is to get him through this health crisis and very much "back on his feet". Then, we find out what our future holds. Right now, it swings on his job, because that pays the rent. Sadly, mine won't. Not here, not reliably, not so far. Not to the level of his job, certainly.

Other places, maybe.
So we play the Fantasy Destination Game, and I sure as hell won't let the door hit me in the @ss on the way out.

Word is that NO ONE is getting extended in hubby's little slice of Army.
His office mates are crying because he's truly the continuity for their area. But let's face it, it's time to move on. It's high time he got a promotion. He's been playing Good Soldier and laboring in obscurity while other whiners and diners are playing the Game and getting bonuses, getting promoted, and so forth. What a waste of tax dollars and air.
We've been more busy Having a Life than Playing the Game, because it's so much more important to us to have a deep, rich personal life than anything else. However, the time comes and, sometimes, we have to play. Neither of us are good at "playing" we're both deeply "for keeps" and when the time comes, we're both razor focussed and uncompromising.

So now we are playing the Fantasy Destination game.
He applies for jobs and lets me know what got picked up and where. So far, destinations include Japan, Colorado, Washington State, Ohio and even my home state of Texas.

Wow, could I live in Texas again? I'm pretty sure that first summer would be misery, but there's always trainings I can go to, once I got my bidness under way again. I, too, am laboring in obscurity here. I can't make nearly what my colleagues make either in the big cities in Germany or anywhere that's anywhere in the US.

Japan is an exciting option. Chuck has a long, deep history with martial arts and Japanese culture, without wanting or needing to be a Japanese Gaijin (which doesn't happen). I would love a new lifestyle, and I have a curious hunger to learn Ikebana, Japanese flower arranging. I'd love to go live in the mountains, study as a student with Chuck, explore this culture I've skirted the edges of and quietly admired for so long. If you don't know me, I've studied aikido since 1989, and other budo since 2000. I enjoy Chinese arts as well, but have somehow always found my home in the Japanese arts. I can't define why, and, like a person who would rather have Rocky Road than Neopolitan, I shouldn't have to. It's just a matter of taste and, certainly, of circumstance.

In any case it would be a kind of joy to sell the car, get rid of a large amount of junk, and prepare for a much smaller, cleaner, deeply devoted to learning lifestyle.
The fact is that I could do it now, but like most lazy moderns, I'm too addicted to my addictions and too distracted to dig out and simplify. Living with another person and their addictions and problems does not make this any easier, as we are inevitably intertwined in our baggage. His socks in my hand luggage, and my jeans in his. Such is life.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

I'm back from the American Women's Activities Germany meeting.
Nice, nice people, but I'm just socially impaired when it comes to chants and sing-alongs and so forth. Ich bin keine Gruppenmensch, that is, I'm just not that social.

Let me sit in my corner, observe and let me go away when I want. Let me go see my beloved mountains.

I did the overnight, savoured the luxury surrounds and free food and wine, and gave my all in our section. I'm supported by a brilliant rheumatologist, and we talk about PAIN.. we make pain fun, what can I say. This lady is one of those quiet gravitational forces who bring some level of sanity to the military. She's never loud, never pushy, she just gets things done and makes you like her. She's wise, even, deep, very drily funny, and appreciates humor even if it isn't her own forte'.

I love the idea of bringing structural integration to the military, but let's face it. I've been "swimming uphill" for five years now. I haven't made a single Euro in the past week, and only perhaps a hundred dollars. In a profession where experienced practicioners command $140- 200 per session in the US, I'm feeling pretty annoyed.

I'm patient, I'm strategic, I get, and have gotten, good advertising and info. The trouble is, the natives are more interested about meeting me because I was in the local newsletter than over what I DO.

So let's face it. I'm swimming uphill with both the military and the Oberpfalzers.
If hubby doesn't get extended here, careerwise it's an advantage for me to beat feet out of this sluggish business environs. A German friend just closed his spa business up because he couldn't make ends meet. People here just aren't spending money on themselves.

I'm not sure what to say, or what to do. I'm working with a local orthopod, I'm getting articles out there, I'm out in the community, I'm doing my volunteer stuff, I'm prepping the avalanche like crazy.

I've been working that Wurzburg Tricare Provider thing like crazy, and the only person I'm getting to know is the operator, because no one answers the phone.

I'm just afraid it will happen, and we will have to leave.

Perhaps the fear shows up in the hesitation.
I want a practice, I want so badly to do this work, I know how I can help people and I know I'm not "just good" at what I do.

In June I will move to doing only Rolfing, which means that people only get hour sessions with me for $100. This will be a huge thing, but honestly I've been worth it the whole time. People have just been getting it for 1/3 the price because I want them to know it works, and I know insurance will pay. If I can overcome sheer bureaucratic incompetence to get myself on the list for them to make some use of me.

I know that life works in dramatic pauses, and I can only hope this is one.
Meanwhile, things that don't work, continue to make money, and I continue to labor in obscurity.

I'm beginning to wonder if I should bike around in rags, accost people with obvious difficulties and play Jesus.

The subtle approach hasn't been working, so, what the fark.